Blake tries baking for a change

Two posts in one day.  Ya, I've been busy.  I don't bake very often, but tonight I tried to make a mixed berry pie.  Fortunatly, it didn't turn out too bad.  A short word about pies.  In my opinion the stress of pie making lies in the crust.  I suggest being kind to yourself and just buy frozen.  There are a few food items that are so well prepared by others that it isn't worth my time to do it my self.  Pie crust falls into that category. 

One the other hand, pie filling is a different beast.  Pie filling from a can is good, but it can often have an unnatural flavor from the metal can and the added preservatives.  If you are going to spend time making a pie, forget the crust, do your own filling.  A couple ingredients I suggest for fruit pies include small amounts of nutmeg, cinnamon, lemon juice, and butter.  There are plenty of recipes online, but you can also eyeball it if you want.  To thicken it I like to use a combination of corn starch and tapioca granules for texture.  Make sure you put an egg wash on top of the crust for the golden finish.  For this pie I even pressed the berries through a food mill to remove almost all the seeds. I would only suggest doing that if you don't mind the cleanup.  This pie was a surprise success.  I think I'll do another for the Boise State game party later this week.

The only mistake I made was forgetting to properly seal my crusts together.  During baking my top crust lifted off and floated on a sea of berry filling.  It fell back into place and then sealed again after  I took it out.  Like I said before, I don't bake very often.

Please feel free to comment about your own pie making tips.

Manly Cooking Hint #1: Shrinkage

No, I'm not talking about small portions, in fact, I'm not suggesting small food at all.  If you are a mediocre cook like me, you must focus your energy on pleasing your guest's visual appetite.  With proper presentation you can turn "macaroni and cheese" into "noodles with a delicate cheese sauce."   If cooking tips were weapons, this one is nuclear.

Hint:  Ramekins.  Serving food in a ramekin is my ultimate cheap shot.  For some mystical reason a ramekin will transform food into a dish that no sane person can resist.  Bake a little brownie batter in the bottom, top it with cool ice cream, and now you have personal brownie bakes.  Same sized food portions cooked in stupid little ceramic dishes seems to please most humans.

The science behind this kitchen marvel is pretty simple.  When women see food in a ramekin they think you have shrunk their meal down to little personal sizes.  Women love miniature versions of larger objects.  It's in their DNA.  For example, take the Mini Cooper.  Women flock to these miniature sized cars like flies on stink.  I doubt there is a woman alive that has been in an REI without saying "I love those little display mini tents, I wonder if they sell them too."  Admit it ladies, you have at least thought about those mini tents.  Small dogs are another example.  The ability to put a little bite sized pooch into a purse causes women to salivate wildly.  The same goes with mini foods.  When women see a mini dessert they have a natural tendency to want to nurture it and take it home in hopes of it growing up one day into a successful full sized dessert with a PhD. 

For men it's a little different.  Men see a personal dish as their opportunity to dominate the whole dessert.  There will be no sissy sharing of a man's personal carrot cake.  Men want to know they can eat a whole cake and not get in trouble, but they don't want the ridicule that comes with eating a cupcake.  They also like the comfort that comes with the ability to pick up a personal dessert and throw it like a football if he is so inclined.  We are simple creatures, but we too love our personal sized foods.

For those that have not used a ramekin before, here are some tips:

1. Ramekins are cheap.  Make sure you buy at least 4.
2. Simply putting food in them is not enough, you must cook or chill the food in the dish for maximum effect.  Otherwise you just have food in ridiculously shaped bowls.  Trust me, people want to see little bits of cheese baked onto the outer edges.  Anything less will just put your guest into an unhealthy rage.
3. Expand beyond the sweet and venture to the savory.  I once put chunks of a honey baked ham into the ramekins, topped them with brown sugar and citrus juice, and then broiled them for 10 minutes to caramelize the sugars.  Little personal hot ham pots. 
4. Not all foods are subject to the influence of a ramekin.  Fried chicken really needs a bucket and polish dogs really need a warm bun.  Violating the nature of a food item is not advised and doing so could cause a tear in the very fabric of the universe. (At least according to the mysterious salesman at Bed Bath and Beyond).  That being said, some foods are just reluctant to be cooked in personal sizes, don't be afraid to push them a little.
5. Finally, glass bowls are not ramekins.  A proper ramekin should be opaque.  This is especially important for novice cooks because as long as you can get the crust of your dish to look good, the rest of the crap you cooked underneath the crust will get the benefit of the doubt.  How food appears will determine how critical your guest is to the fact that you can't cook.  Don't shoot yourself in the foot by using little glass bowls.
   

The Art of Ninja Cooking

I love my wife and I'm pretty sure she loves me too. She can, however, be a bit picky when it comes to food. She likes the traditional recipes of her past, I like exciting new ways to dress up an old dish. (I.E. put a little fresh basil and sun dried tomato on cheese quesadilla). In our four years of marriage, I have learned how to get her to try some of my foods. Maybe this is a good time for my sweet wife to stop reading. The secret is . . . deception. Yes, deception is the trick. You know how you hide peas in your child's food to get them to like it? I do the same with my wife but I hide things like artichoke hearts, nuts, large quantities of diced onion, and others. Ask for forgiveness, don't ask for permission. Here a few tips if you employ this drastic measure:

1. Keep mystery ingredients out of sight until ready to put them in the pot. A ninja chef is always invisible.
2. Some ingredients are difficult to hide, think twice before chopping up boar head while your significant other is in the other room.
3. If your cover is blown, always say you will chop it up small (even if you won't).
4. If your sweetie objects before trying it, make sure you didn't ruin dinner completely or you will be watched next time.
5. If all else fails, ninja smoke balls will get you out of danger in a flash. (Turn off the oven first).

To my wife's credit, she happily tries many of the things I make without complaint. She often likes them, but she is also honest enough to tell me something is not good. I appreciate honesty because I don't want to cook bad food. She also put up with me during my "Dill Phase." She is also not as picky as this blog may present, but she is a fan of traditional recipes.

Welcome To My Kitchen

My friends often refer to me as the "guy that knows about spices." This is due to the fact that I spend much of my free time cooking. Some guys enjoy the thrill of the two-point conversion in the fourth quarter, but I enjoy seeing a food creation invoke curiosity and acclaim. Unfortunately many of my "experiments" do not work out. My guests have been treated to take out pizza when my innovative citrus chicken turned out tasting like battery acid on a gangrene foot. Still, I love to do it. Let the blogging begin.