Roasted Pennywise with Rosemary

Remember this guy?  Little old Pennywise from the Stephen King thriller "IT."  He was a killer that would appear in the form of your greatest fear.  To defeat him you had to face your fear.  Tonight I faced my fear in the kitchen with a Rib Eye Roast.

There are some things that are pretty forgiving in the kitchen.  Soups and stews often give someone like me a lot of room to screw up and they still turn out pretty good.  Meat, however, is not the same.  Whether it's turkey, steaks, roasts, or chicken; one mistake and your meat will turn as dry as Arizona.  (Don't worry, you'll never know as long as you have nice friends.)  Because of this, I have been a little hesitant to venture too deep into the realm of large meat cooking.  Every time I have tried beef in the past, it has not been pretty.  However, there is a time when everybody needs to man up and just cook a large piece of cow.

First, a primer on roast beef.  There are a number of ways to cook beef.  My childhood memories are filled with Sunday pot roasts with carrots and onions.  I particularly like pot roast because the meat pulls apart and requires no more than a fork.  I have also had roast beef tenderloins that were rolled in salt and oven roasted until it reached a similar result with a crispy crust.  What I have never had much of is the type of roast beef that comes in slices and contains a nice pink center. 

I started with a nice 7 lb. bone-in Rib eye roast.  This particular roast was really good because it had good fat content (marbling).  The fat running through the meat is really important for flavor and texture.
My seasoning was a simple, yet generous, coating of olive oil, fresh garlic, coarse sea salt, ground pepper and freshly minced rosemary.  I choose not to marinade in any sort of sauce because quality beef has really good flavor without the help of overpowering marinades.  You may want a marinade for tougher cuts of beef because they will break down the connective tissues.

After a quick sear at 450 degrees, I dropped the temperature down to 300 degrees for a couple hours.  Once it got to an internal temperature of 148 degrees, I pulled it out to rest.  I would have taken it out once it hit 135 degrees, but my wife likes her meat a little more done than me.  Below is the end result.  It sliced very easy into 1/4 inch"steaks" and it was pretty juicy and tender.  I would have preferred it to be less done because it would have been even more tender.  In the end, it was a success.  Salty, fatty, moist beef.



Here is the lesson to take away:

1. When it comes to meat, you get what you pay for.  You are not smarter than the cow.  Don't trick yourself into thinking you are going to turn a bottom round roast into a culinary masterpiece.  For dry oven roasting use a tenderloin or rib cut.  For slow cooking in a crock pot you can use a more lean cut like the round roast.  I have tried to violate this rule a number of times and each time I get beef that makes my jaw tired from chewing.  Hint:  The internet is full of good info about cooking meat.  Find the best cooking method for whatever cut you buy.
   
2. Using a meat thermometer takes the mystery out of beef.  Know what temp you want and just wait for the meat to arrive.  Do not rely on "cook times" because you don't want to overcook an oven roast.
3. Wait 15 minutes before cutting (or piercing your roast).  If you get anxious and slice early you will lose all your juices.  Tonight I merely put my carving fork in one side to transfer it right after cooking and I lost a good amount of juice. 
4. Get out and try it.  There is something about roasting a large section of heifer that really makes a man feel cool.  If roasting is too much work, go to Arby's for a Beef 'n Cheddar.

Food Haters Unite

There are many constant truths that will never fail us.  Babies will cry in restaurants, my cars will always make questionable sounds, and machine guns in action movies always jam at inopportune moments.  Among these truths is the simple fact that no person wants to be a picky eater.  Not liking certain foods can often be a big hassle.  Take for example President George Bush Sr. when he stated:

"I do not like broccoli and I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli. Now look, this is the last statement I’m going to have on broccoli. There are truckloads of broccoli at this very minute descending on Washington. My family is divided. For the broccoli vote out there: Barbara loves broccoli. She has tried to make me eat it. She eats it all the time herself. So she can go out and meet the caravan of broccoli that’s coming in."

It can also be socially awkward when eating as a guest in someone else's home.  This post is dedicated to rehabilitating yourself and expanding your diet.  This may be useful for those that find themselves living with a Ninja Chef.


Tip #1:  Cook, cook, cook.

I think that much of what prevents us from eating food is the mystery of what food is made of and where it came from.  Actually putting food items into your own pot will usually help somebody overcome the fear that comes with mystery food.  My whole life I had been told that brussels sprouts are gross and disgusting.  I don't think my mom ever served them in our home.  Earlier this year I decided to see what all the criticism is about.  I was surprised to find that I actually like them.  I don't think I would have been so willing if I saw them on the menu at a restaurant.  *Note: Brussels sprouts get a stinky-sulfur smell when they are overcooked.  I sauteed mine with butter and water, delicious.

Tip #2:  Take advantage of your hunger

I often find myself more willing to eat new foods when I'm really hungry.  The fact that hunger dispels anxiety over food has led cultures to eat interesting foods like the McRib,  and subsequently it provided Andrew Zimmern with a career to die for.  Don't those grubs look tasty?

Many of the foods that I didn't like as a kid have made their way into my diet when I was on a religious mission for my church.  I spent two years in Haiti learning the principle that I will eat most anything if I'm hungry enough.  Onions, mushrooms, cabbage, and grits fall into the category of foods I learned to like while hungry. 

Tip #3: Experiment While Traveling

There is something about being on vacation that allows people to eat foods they normally wouldn't.  I began enjoying seafood while visiting Seattle a few years back.  I think that people feel like they need to get their money's worth by really experiencing the location they are in.  Next time you find yourself looking at a menu in some strange location, try something new.  Unfortunately, it does not always work.  I recently enjoyed watching my brother Kelly throw down a halibut sandwich while visiting the Oregon coast.  Even though he despises sea food , this was his attempt at giving something new a try.  He never did finish the sandwich and he fought hard to keep it all down.  Good try Kelly. *NOTE: Kelly did actually finish the sandwich and I didn't pay attention.* My father follows the strict rule of eating local cuisine in any place he travels.  A wise practice.


Tip #4:  Start With Vegetables

Trying new foods is like exercise.  You have to practice to be able to do it well.  I have found vegetables to be the easiest foods to like.  If you aren't quite ready to eat a muscle or prawn, try some eggplant Parmesan or grilled asparagus.  The thought of eating a weird  vegetable doesn't seem as bad as jumping right in with sauteed sheep testicles.  So when trying out tips 1-3, try vegetables first.  The next time you find yourself cruising the produce section, try to find a vegetable that you are not accustomed to.  You may discover chayote squash or asparagus.  I have found that radishes make a good midday snack.  I can eat about 10 at lunch if I'm not paying attention.  My next adventure will likely involve fennel. 


My final thought:

I will say it again, not all foods are created equal.  There is a lot of food that I will not eat.  I don't know who first ate fish eggs, but I'm pretty sure they didn't like it at first.  It is a gross food.  Blake's maxim:  If a food is commonly enjoyed by others in your culture, you may be acting too picky.  However, never feel guilty for not liking a type of food.  To each their own.

I'm interested in hearing about recent foods you have learned to like.  How did you do it?

Tapioca and the Swamp of Sadness

Tapioca pudding is the premier pudding in my mind.  I like simple foods that allow you to taste the basic ingredients.  Tapioca pudding is as simple as they come with milk, eggs, sugar, and vanilla.  To me tapioca is like hummus, a uncomplicated food canvas on which you can paint your own masterpiece with additions like fruit, cocoa, spices, etc.  (Note: I don't put fruit on my hummus).  I often put a dash of nutmeg in my recipe to give it a warm autumn flavor, but you can really do anything you want to tapioca.

My dad, who likes adventure in the kitchen, uses a mixture of tapioca and vanilla pudding for something he eloquently calls "Pimple Pudding."  A dollop of this heavy pudding goes down on the dish first.  Followed by a big spoonful of homemade raspberry pie filling.  He tops it of with a little whipped cream on top.  Cream, red, white.  Pimple Pudding.  You get the picture.  A culinary treat.  I don't have a picture of the pudding, and for the sake of my reader (yes, singular), I digress from posting pimple pictures.  Here is an illustration to at least give you something to think about.

So being a tapioca guy, I decided to make my own from scratch.  And from scratch, I mean large tapioca pearls that require soaking as opposed to Minute Tapioca which I usually make at home.  At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to follow through.  Here is a comparison of the directions for each method.

The Instant Stuff

• 1/3 cup sugar
• 3 tablespoons minute tapioca
• 2 3/4 cups milk
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1. Mix sugar, tapioca, milk and egg in a saucepan, let set 5 minutes.
2. Cook on medium heat, stirring constantly, til mixture comes to a full boil.
3. Remove from heat, then stir in vanilla.
4. Cool 20 minutes, then stir.
5. Serve warm or cold.

The Not-So-Instant Stuff

Follow this link for directions, they are too long to type.

So all that being said, I wanted to do some "real" tapioca the way the founding fathers of tapioca wanted it to be.  I started out on my adventure soaking the pearls overnight, slow cooking them in a make-shift double boiler, and slowly combining the eggs with my hot mixture.  I was like Picasso the way I was gingerly mixing my masterpiece.  I was almost done.  I had fluffed my egg whites to rigid peaks and was ready to fold them into my hot pudding for the final touch.  This is a very important step because the hot pudding will cook the egg whites, so my timing and technique needed to be perfect.

Right when I placed the egg whites on top of the pudding I hear "KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK."  Instantly, I remembered that I had some visitors coming for an important meeting.  I had totally forgotten.  Furthermore, because it was a hot summer day,  I was not dressed adequately to receive company. To be frank, my appearance like this in public would probably violate city ordinances.  Kristin couldn't answer the door because she was in my same situation with the addition of a hungry baby in her arms.  I was caught between my pudding and my guests.  I could finish stirring, but it would take another 3-4 minutes and then I would have to get dressed.  Considering the importance of my meeting, I dropped the spoon and ran to find some pants and a shirt.  I'm pretty sure I felt like Atreyu in Never Ending Story when his horse Artax succumbed to the Swamp of Sadness. (For full dramatic effect, please watch the video.

To make a long story short, my great pudding also succumbed the Swamp of Sadness.  When I returned from my meeting, my pudding was a mess.  The egg whites were not mixed in, yet they had cooked into a sea of nastiness.  The whole apartment smelled like boiled egg for days.  I tried to eat some of it, but it was destroyed.  Goodbye Artax.


I don't know if I can ever return to that tapioca battle field.  I have decided that minute tapioca pudding is a superb pudding, and I have no need to face the humiliating defeat that comes when you put it all on the line for fame, fortune, or just a really good pudding.  Next time you're at my apartment, ask for some minute tapioca, I'm sure I can oblige.

Death by Canning

History Lesson:  Canning was developed in the 1800's as a way to keep high caloric foods at the front lines for armies.  This method was originally done in glass jars but tin cans were soon used for better transport.  Canned foods soon became somewhat of a novelty and became heavily used in WWI and WWII.  As with any war, innocent casualties resulted.  The death of great food.

Take for example leaf spinach.  It is despised by anyone under 18 years old and many adults. When I was a kid the word spinach immediately brought images of tin cans and a super strong sailor.  I think canned spinach was purposely given a bad flavor to keep hostile armies from eating American provisions.  Needless to say, war killed spinach for a long time.  Luckily, we have rediscovered fresh spinach and it has made it way into our kitchens once again.

This history lesson was triggered while dining at our friends house this week.  As part of a Texas themed dinner, our host had prepared "creamed corn."  What?  Who eats creamed corn?  Well, apparently lots of people from the south.  And I quickly learned that, like most canned foods, creamed corn in the can was inspired at one point by an actual food.  This homemade version of a food previously extinct from my adult diet was absolutely delicious.  Find a recipe, try it.  Thanks Lori.

Creamed Corn Side by side:  canned vs. real (hint: the real cream corn is yellow . . . like corn)

My Message:  Not all canned foods are created equal.  I have discovered a number of foods that I prefer to use fresh over canned.  There are also some that I don't mind using canned.  Here is my breakdown of canned foods that may or may not be served to guests in my home:

1. spinach, creamed corn:  no
2. corned beef: no (especially not to Irish friends)
   
3. green beans: no (army green vs. vibrant green)
   
4. carrots, potatoes, mushrooms:  never
5. kernal corn: yes (but I prefer frozen)
   
6. legume beans: yes, but slow cooking dry beans is easy too
   
7. spaghetti sauce: maybe (once tried making my own, that deserves its own blog post)
   
8. water chestnuts: certainly
9. Tomatoes: yes
   
10. chick peas: always

Moral of the Story:  Most canned foods will save time but you give up flavor and texture.  Some foods give up way too much flavor and texture to be used.  Try replacing them with fresh foods or even frozen.  Remember, many canned foods are in cans not because they take a long time to prepare, but because they are easy to store and transport.  Luckily we have refridgerators and we don't pack our food with us.

As for chick peas (garbanzo beans), I tried making hummus by cooking the dried variety.  It took a long time and it made our apartment smell like eggs for days.  Canned chick peas will be used for hummus in our home from now on.

Note:  I am not a food snob.  I enjoy eating lots of foods from cans.  I have a secret love affair with canned ravioli.  This is merely my perspective on how canning has killed wonderful foods.  Lets bring them back to life.

Blake tries baking for a change

Two posts in one day.  Ya, I've been busy.  I don't bake very often, but tonight I tried to make a mixed berry pie.  Fortunatly, it didn't turn out too bad.  A short word about pies.  In my opinion the stress of pie making lies in the crust.  I suggest being kind to yourself and just buy frozen.  There are a few food items that are so well prepared by others that it isn't worth my time to do it my self.  Pie crust falls into that category. 

One the other hand, pie filling is a different beast.  Pie filling from a can is good, but it can often have an unnatural flavor from the metal can and the added preservatives.  If you are going to spend time making a pie, forget the crust, do your own filling.  A couple ingredients I suggest for fruit pies include small amounts of nutmeg, cinnamon, lemon juice, and butter.  There are plenty of recipes online, but you can also eyeball it if you want.  To thicken it I like to use a combination of corn starch and tapioca granules for texture.  Make sure you put an egg wash on top of the crust for the golden finish.  For this pie I even pressed the berries through a food mill to remove almost all the seeds. I would only suggest doing that if you don't mind the cleanup.  This pie was a surprise success.  I think I'll do another for the Boise State game party later this week.

The only mistake I made was forgetting to properly seal my crusts together.  During baking my top crust lifted off and floated on a sea of berry filling.  It fell back into place and then sealed again after  I took it out.  Like I said before, I don't bake very often.

Please feel free to comment about your own pie making tips.

Manly Cooking Hint #1: Shrinkage

No, I'm not talking about small portions, in fact, I'm not suggesting small food at all.  If you are a mediocre cook like me, you must focus your energy on pleasing your guest's visual appetite.  With proper presentation you can turn "macaroni and cheese" into "noodles with a delicate cheese sauce."   If cooking tips were weapons, this one is nuclear.

Hint:  Ramekins.  Serving food in a ramekin is my ultimate cheap shot.  For some mystical reason a ramekin will transform food into a dish that no sane person can resist.  Bake a little brownie batter in the bottom, top it with cool ice cream, and now you have personal brownie bakes.  Same sized food portions cooked in stupid little ceramic dishes seems to please most humans.

The science behind this kitchen marvel is pretty simple.  When women see food in a ramekin they think you have shrunk their meal down to little personal sizes.  Women love miniature versions of larger objects.  It's in their DNA.  For example, take the Mini Cooper.  Women flock to these miniature sized cars like flies on stink.  I doubt there is a woman alive that has been in an REI without saying "I love those little display mini tents, I wonder if they sell them too."  Admit it ladies, you have at least thought about those mini tents.  Small dogs are another example.  The ability to put a little bite sized pooch into a purse causes women to salivate wildly.  The same goes with mini foods.  When women see a mini dessert they have a natural tendency to want to nurture it and take it home in hopes of it growing up one day into a successful full sized dessert with a PhD. 

For men it's a little different.  Men see a personal dish as their opportunity to dominate the whole dessert.  There will be no sissy sharing of a man's personal carrot cake.  Men want to know they can eat a whole cake and not get in trouble, but they don't want the ridicule that comes with eating a cupcake.  They also like the comfort that comes with the ability to pick up a personal dessert and throw it like a football if he is so inclined.  We are simple creatures, but we too love our personal sized foods.

For those that have not used a ramekin before, here are some tips:

1. Ramekins are cheap.  Make sure you buy at least 4.
2. Simply putting food in them is not enough, you must cook or chill the food in the dish for maximum effect.  Otherwise you just have food in ridiculously shaped bowls.  Trust me, people want to see little bits of cheese baked onto the outer edges.  Anything less will just put your guest into an unhealthy rage.
3. Expand beyond the sweet and venture to the savory.  I once put chunks of a honey baked ham into the ramekins, topped them with brown sugar and citrus juice, and then broiled them for 10 minutes to caramelize the sugars.  Little personal hot ham pots. 
4. Not all foods are subject to the influence of a ramekin.  Fried chicken really needs a bucket and polish dogs really need a warm bun.  Violating the nature of a food item is not advised and doing so could cause a tear in the very fabric of the universe. (At least according to the mysterious salesman at Bed Bath and Beyond).  That being said, some foods are just reluctant to be cooked in personal sizes, don't be afraid to push them a little.
5. Finally, glass bowls are not ramekins.  A proper ramekin should be opaque.  This is especially important for novice cooks because as long as you can get the crust of your dish to look good, the rest of the crap you cooked underneath the crust will get the benefit of the doubt.  How food appears will determine how critical your guest is to the fact that you can't cook.  Don't shoot yourself in the foot by using little glass bowls.
   

The Art of Ninja Cooking

I love my wife and I'm pretty sure she loves me too. She can, however, be a bit picky when it comes to food. She likes the traditional recipes of her past, I like exciting new ways to dress up an old dish. (I.E. put a little fresh basil and sun dried tomato on cheese quesadilla). In our four years of marriage, I have learned how to get her to try some of my foods. Maybe this is a good time for my sweet wife to stop reading. The secret is . . . deception. Yes, deception is the trick. You know how you hide peas in your child's food to get them to like it? I do the same with my wife but I hide things like artichoke hearts, nuts, large quantities of diced onion, and others. Ask for forgiveness, don't ask for permission. Here a few tips if you employ this drastic measure:

1. Keep mystery ingredients out of sight until ready to put them in the pot. A ninja chef is always invisible.
2. Some ingredients are difficult to hide, think twice before chopping up boar head while your significant other is in the other room.
3. If your cover is blown, always say you will chop it up small (even if you won't).
4. If your sweetie objects before trying it, make sure you didn't ruin dinner completely or you will be watched next time.
5. If all else fails, ninja smoke balls will get you out of danger in a flash. (Turn off the oven first).

To my wife's credit, she happily tries many of the things I make without complaint. She often likes them, but she is also honest enough to tell me something is not good. I appreciate honesty because I don't want to cook bad food. She also put up with me during my "Dill Phase." She is also not as picky as this blog may present, but she is a fan of traditional recipes.

Welcome To My Kitchen

My friends often refer to me as the "guy that knows about spices." This is due to the fact that I spend much of my free time cooking. Some guys enjoy the thrill of the two-point conversion in the fourth quarter, but I enjoy seeing a food creation invoke curiosity and acclaim. Unfortunately many of my "experiments" do not work out. My guests have been treated to take out pizza when my innovative citrus chicken turned out tasting like battery acid on a gangrene foot. Still, I love to do it. Let the blogging begin.